Nobody knows the Real Housewives better than Casey Wilson and Danielle Schneider. The hosts of the uber-popular Bitch Sesh podcast — who are actors/screenwriters/members of Hollywood in their non-podcasting life — are self-proclaimed devotees of the Bravo slate. They also spend an inordinate amount of time digesting everything there is to know about the castmembers and their various…hobbies.
So there’s no one better to turn to for advice on the many brands and products that have come out of the show in the last decade-plus. As the 10th anniversary of the Real Housewives of Atlanta is upon us, we asked the venerable hosts to weigh in on. They offered up brutal honesty, but the women of Bravo deserve nothing less.
The Countess Collection jumpsuit by LuAnn de Lesseps
“It was not expensive and looked gorgeous on…once Danielle spent over two hundred dollars in alterations. Also perfect for the woman who is short on torso and long on crotch.”
Beverly Beach swimsuit by Dorit Kemsley
“Danielle spent over a half hour trying to figure out how to even get this confusing contraption on her body. In the end, she settled on making it a halter top that almost cut off her airway.”
Ramona Pinot Grigio by Ramona Singer
“Casey accidentally served it at her last Thanksgiving dinner, and no one complained which can only mean one thing — Casey’s friends and family are drunks.”
Sonja Morgan’s toaster oven
“Although we’ve been waiting almost eight years for it to hit the market, with no release date in sight, we know, like Sonja, it will take some booze and a few unpaid interns to make it work.”
Bedroom Kandi lube by Kandi Burruss
“Like Kandi, this is the only housewife product that actually works. This product can be enjoyed by everyone, except Scrubs. We don’t want no.”
The Dump detox by Porsha Williams
“This is Porsha’s cleanse drink that helps you…do exactly what it says. We haven’t tried it, but we’re just happy that this product exist and that Porsha has no shame in her game. Even if her game is poop.”
Skinnygirl Margaritas by Bethenny Frankel
“The OG of the housewife products, this stuff is genuinely good. We’ve drank it in earnest and enjoyed our very mild buzzes. But now B’s venturing into Skinnygirl jeans and deli meats? Get off our jocks!”
Kyle by Alene Too by Kyle Richards
“Confused by the name of Kyle Richards clothing store? So are we. So is she. What does it mean? Who is Alene? Why is she Too? A question that scholars and housewives fans will ponder for eternity.”
V by Vicki Gunvalson
“Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue but it’s an Eau De Perfume ‘inspired’ by OG of the O.C. It smells of gardenias and bad choices in men.”
Not for Lazy Moms by Monique Samuels
“A new website venture by Potomac housewife Monique. It has something to do with homeopathic oils and making your own ginger, but we resent the fact that it’s not for us, as we are some lazy-ass moms.”
Indulge Coffee by Kathy Wakile
“Okay this is a deep cut from a New Jersey housewife who is long gone. But we tried this two years ago and haven’t slept a full night since. It was actually quite delicious, but there’s a reason those Jersey girls flip tables in anger. Their coffee is full-on crack!”
Cuffs by Lynne Curtin
“Never forget.”
TomTom restaurant by Lisa Vanderpump, Tom Schwartz, and Tom Sandoval
“I saw them ride up in a sidecar the other day. These are my people.” — Danielle Schneider
Patricia’s Couture Caftans by Patricia Altschul
“You can send in an animal and it will be printed and silk-screened on a caftan. I sent in Kim Richard’s dog Kingsley. R.I.P.?” — Casey Wilson
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